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Ze vragen mij nu om raad en geven aan mij als voorbeeld te nemen als ze worstelen met leiding geven.
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Drie fabels over vrouwelijk leiderschap die 92% van de leidinggevende vrouwen onnodig doodmoe maken.
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80% of female leaders are unconsciously more busy with 'pleasing' than with 'leading.' The question is... How do you know if you are (unconsciously) a pleaser and how do you stop this behavior?The body content of your post goes here. To edit this text, click on it and delete this default text and start typing your own or paste your own from a different source.
"Isn't it time to step out of that terrible rat race?" my mother asked me. "This has been going on for a while now!"
"Why rat race? I love this life and my many responsibilities," I replied. But of course, I understood what she meant.
And...deep down...I often had doubts about how my career was developing, but yes, it also had its (financial) advantages, right? And I worked hard for it.
I wanted to keep the people who reported to me happy and inspired, and of course also my clients, my superiors, my peers, my family, my friends. This often caused stress, but it also made me very happy.
The result of years of hard work and restructuring was that it took a lot of energy. I became quite exhausted.
I didn't admit that of course, but it manifested itself not only in feeling tired but also in looking tired, taking worse care of myself, and developing physical complaints.
And at night, I couldn't get my head out of it.
I worried about my visibility, about what still needed to be done, what others were thinking of me, and I felt that the appreciation for the difference I was making was absent. I was unable to look myself in the eye and be honest. I tried to stay positive. I sometimes felt lonely. I believed that I had to do everything alone, that I shouldn't bother anyone with lonely feelings. And I also believed that I had to stand up for myself, but then didn't.
This didn't go well in the end.
I pushed through, rolled up my sleeves time and time again until I flew off the stage with two elbow strikes.
When I realized there was no match between me and my new boss, I started, in hindsight, behaving very strangely just to fit in. Doubting myself, not saying anything and trying even harder...
And really, I have always been quite confident. I have always had a large dose of conviction, goodwill, humor and enthusiasm. But now I was twisting myself in all sorts of ways "pleasing" everyone. By the way, I hated the word "pleaser" back then. And at the time I was absolutely not identifying myself as one. I believe all pleasers do.
There was a moment my colleagues told me they didn't recognize me anymore… I didn't even know who I was anymore.
I had never seen myself as someone who could lose her job. And ultimately, I had to leave. I felt deeply unhappy.
After a few months(!) at home, I knew something deeper had to happen.
The words of Brené Brown in her book 'The gifts of imperfection' touched me. She said: Change 'Please, Perfect & Perform' for 'Courage, Compassion & Connection'. It was as if she was talking to me.
Yet her words also made me insecure because: How do you do that?
I went in search of deeper and more sustainable behavioral change and learned about TCM (the Transformational Coaching Method) from the Health Coach Institute in the US. This method has successfully helped hundreds of thousands of people.
I learned:
🦉 To come back more authentic, assertive, and courageous by gently stretching my comfort zone
🦉 To take responsibility for myself with more confidence and conviction
🦉 To stop pleasing others without losing my warm, human side ( I was always afraid that would happen when I would become more assertive)
And maybe you're thinking: "Sustainable behavioral change? Really? Is this another story about how women need to be fixed? There's nothing wrong with us women. It's the system and the masculine culture that need to be fixed."...
But I believe it is time for us women to change too and finally rise.
Because even young girls are still praised for their looks, their modesty, their care, their warmth, their "non-difficultness", their understanding, and for being helpful. These behaviors hold them back, just as they hold us back. They hold them back from knowing what they really want on a deeper level, from communicating what they want, and from choosing what they want. And it also makes it difficult for us to talk about our added value, the difference we make on a daily basis.
We unconsciously make our will and the difference we make smaller because we don't want to "bragg." How often this phrase is recognized and shared in my webinars for female leaders. That minimizing of achievements comes from the modesty in our stereotype. And that modesty in women is not a "fake modesty." we sometimes hear from men or other women. No, it's real and she struggles terribly with it. Even female leaders at very senior levels in the organization.
The effect of this is huge.
It makes her less daring to be visible, not talking about her achievements, not asking for a raise, not saying what she wants and needs, and that leads to her feeling unseen, unheard, or not valued.
And let the latter be one of the biggest frustrations of female leaders. I know it all too well. TCM has changed me and all of my clients from a very busy pleaser to a engaged leader. I know what I want, what my added value is, and I know that I make a difference in the lives of women and men.
I feel seen, heard, and appreciated. And with all that, I love contributing to your happiness, growth, and change with my articles, webinars, 1-on-1 coaching, group coaching, and online training.
And you know what:
👉 It doesn't take long to become a more assertive role model and still keep your warmth.
👉 Everyone can break through limiting thoughts and fears permanently and learn to value themselves.
👉 It's not difficult to be more visible, make more impact, and feel valued.
Let 2023 be the year you break free from the spiral you're in now.
The year you rise to become the female leader you always wanted to be. This role model already exists inside you and it is time you let her out. Let's go!
Are you looking for a first step into your greatness? Book a Free Leadership Assessment by clicking on the button below.
I am looking forward to meeting you then.
Take care,
Natascha