Als leiderschap & loopbaancoach merk ik dat veel vrouwelijke leidinggevenden de vraag: "Wat wil jij?" een hele lastige vraag vinden. Ze schamen zich dan soms ook een beetje om te zeggen dat ze dit niet weten of vinden het ronduit frustrerend.
Ze zegt dan bijvoorbeeld: “Wat ik wil? Even rust, even niets. Lekker even op vakantie. Dat is wat ik wil!" Tegelijkertijd vindt ze dat een vrouw van haar kaliber dit wel moet weten.
Ze weet ergens wel dat dit niet kan zijn wat ze écht wil. Wel op dit moment misschien maar niet voor altijd. Op een diepere laag denkt ze soms ook dat ze beter niets kan willen omdat de wil van iemand of iets anders al zoveel tijd opeist, of dat het toch geen zin heeft omdat het voor haar niet mogelijk zou zijn óf omdat ze het toch niet durft. Ze sust zichzelf met vertellen dat ze al haar verplichtingen heel graag doet en dat dat is wat ze wil.
Iets willen is niet egoïstisch, het is wijs.
Ik help vrouwelijke leiders met te weten komen wat ze willen en nodig hebben, dit durven benoemen, het lef hebben hier verantwoordelijkheid voor te nemen en het vriendelijk en duidelijk aan te geven of te vragen.
Met zeer positieve resultaten: ze voelen zich sterker en ervaren meer enthousiasme. Ze hebben meer overzicht, de zelftwijfel verdwijnt en ze stralen veel meer rust uit. Ook voelen ze meer lef en een groeiend zelfvertrouwen. Iets willen mag echt, het is wijs en brengt je dichter bij je levensdoel.
The biggest problem …
are often our own thoughts and beliefs. Many women believe that others should see what they want, can do and need, right? And that you don't have to ask or tell them? You don't do that, do you?
In doing so they are selling themselves short. And that is precisely where the greatest frustration comes from, that they do not feel seen, heard and valued enough.
So this doesn't work...
because nothing happens like this for years. Well nothing? You continue to wonder and not speak out. And longing for the next holiday. The dormant frustration continues to build and the patterns become ingrained. You miss the appreciation but still persevere.
At home it is often even more traditional than at the office. For the sake of peace, wait a long time before expressing what you want. “My time will come,” you say to yourself. But you don't take responsibility for this. And yet you consider yourself 'the responsible type' and others would also describe you that way.
What does work:
When you become aware that it is not just you that you do not know what you want and that a large part of that feeling is due to our predominantly masculine society. And also that you are not the only woman who recognizes this, it helps to soften your inner critic. They often believe that we should know and say what we want, whenever you want to achieve anything in your career or in your life.
At the same time, that critic is affected by your sense of security, appreciation, your love and the need to ensure that you belong. That doesn't make knowing what you want any easier.
Imagine …
What would it be like for you to find out what you really want? And that you dare to ask in such a way that also increases the chance of getting what you want? And that there is a formula that gives you insight into which thoughts keep you small, that you feel compassion and understanding for your own fears, that you feel that you know what you want and at the same time are kindly encouraged to have more courage, more fire and making steps?
In deze training leer je:
- hoe je er wèl achter komt wat je wilt
- wat voor een effect onze cultuur heeft op jouw wil en hoe je je hiervan van verlost
- hoe verantwoordelijkheid nemen leidt tot vrijheid (en niet tot meer verantwoordelijkheden!
- waarom weten wat je wilt belangrijk is en tegelijkertijd zo moeilijk is
- hoe de juiste communicatie je kan helpen dat wat je wilt ook te krijgen
En als BONUS in deze training:
- hoe stel ik heldere en haalbare doelen en maak ik ze waar?
Reacties van jouw voorgangers ...
"I never dared to be completely honest, I see that now. But I was never aware that I could achieve so much with friendly and clear questions. I was never that clear."
– Esther –
“Wow Natascha, spot on. Sometimes everything just comes together like that. I think I'm really gaining insight into my patterns and fears. I'm glad I spoke to you like this.”
– Annemarie –
“ Phew, that insight that that rubber 'Ecology' band can hold you back while I think I'm getting rid of all the obstacles. So that's clearly happening to me. What an insight.”
– Nadia –
“I had to laugh at your own example of making cappuccino. That was so recognizable and clearly explained. I'll discuss it at home!”
– Leonie –
Who am I
I am Natascha Verdurmen, leadership and career coach, trainer and owner of Mellow Revolution. With over 20 years of experience in leadership positions, I help female leaders and managers halve their stress, save time and radiate peace by working on authentic communication, inclusive leadership skills and sustainable behavioral change.
My mission is to relax more women into their power in leadership positions. Knowing, saying and also asking for what you want is important. When I learned why this is often so difficult, I was moved. I had never looked into the role of our society and thought it was up to me....
Afterwards, for a long time I didn't know what I really wanted. I always just wanted that busy job, that family and those side activities. But once I really knew it, there was no stopping me. I wish you these insights into and attention for yourself. This will free you and relieve you and clear the way for you to know what you want. That is why I provide in-depth questions in the online training that feel like personal coaching.
I'll tell you the formula how, despite everything, you can still find out what you really want. And also how you maximize the chance of achieving it. If you know what you really want and how you can achieve it, you will gain courage, you will feel fire and you will fuel the feasibility. There is little that can stop you.
When the penny dropped for me, I suddenly knew what I had to do. I wish this very much for you too. I believe that all girls and women should be more encouraged to know, say and ask for what they want. Because that is no longer obvious or easy anywhere in the world!
